My Comment To room 1

Maths Whizz

Maths Whizz

Maths Whizz

Maths Whizz

Maths Whizz

Angel & Fine's Voice Thread

This is the Voice Thread Angel (Partner) and I made. We are very happy with the outcome of this Voice Thread. If there are errors click on the link below:
https://voicethread.com/share/5051620/

Donna's Birthday - Narrative

Donna’s Birthday - My Narrative. By Fine

“SHUT UP!” Angie yelled to Lou. Angie and Lou have been going at it for quite a while now. There use to be a happy family across the road from us. The Smith  Family were a joyful family of four.

Children Annabelle and Donna, went to an all girls private school. They were always clean and tidy, but sometimes at night you could hear them crying over the shouting of their parents. After a while Angie decided she had enough. Angie was tired of arguing with Lou.

Angie was now divorced from Lou. Annabelle and Donna begged her mother not to go, they still wanted their parents to be together, to be one big happy family. Donna the oldest stayed at home with her father Lou, but Annabelle went with her mother Angie to the city. 1 year had gone past, Donna wanted to see her sister Annabelle.

So Donna called her mother asking to make an arrangement to see her sister Annabelle and probably her father and mother would bond. When Annabelle came home with Angie, Donna realised there was another man coming out of their car. Donna didn’t really focus on that she focused on hugging Annabelle. When they went inside there the man was again, coming into her house.

At one point Donna finally had enough courage to ask him who he was. The man said he was Annabelle’s  soon to be Stepfather Mike. Donna stood in shock, she didn’t want to make a big fuss, because that would be rude. But she couldn’t just stand there, saying nothing.

So she went with a polite greeting and said to him “Well I hope you make my mother happy, and please she doesn’t like asparagus”. He smiled, almost laughed and replied “ I’ll keep that in mind”. He then walked off in search for Angie. Donna went into her bedroom, and stared at her walls.

Donna fell asleep and didn’t get to say goodbye to Annabelle, Angie and Mike. Donna woke up to smoke in her room. She stared outside the window and saw neighbours standing with hands covering their mouths. You could hear sirens coming up the road.

Coughing Donna realised her father was arguing with the firemen, he seemed to be crying. Donna wanted to know what all the fuss was about so she ran to the door. Smoke bursted into the room, the heat inside the room was unbelieveable, flames everywhere. Donna’s life flashed before her eyes.

Seeing every single fight her parents had gone through, her covering Annabelle’s ears. Waking up to a perfect school with perfect grades. Playing with the neighbours and then her parents standing on the porch telling her to come inside and have dinner. Donna’s last memory before she fainted was of her family sitting at dinner telling each other what happened in their day.

The fire started by Lou trying to bake Donna a birthday cake after Angie, Annabelle and Mike had left the house. Lou went out to a local shop to buy some sprinkles for the cake, he didn’t realize he had spent nearly an hour talking to the shopkeeper. Lou had started a whole meal for them two. Sausages were being cooked for hot dogs, Bacon and Egg were being cooked also for when she woke up. The sausages caught on fire then the fire lead up to the ceiling.

The next day she woke up to her father arguing with her mother and Annabelle standing beside Angie with tears filling her eyes.  When they saw that Donna had woken up they quickly put smiles on their faces. “ Donna you're going to come and stay with me for a little while”  Angie said to Donna. Lou started to walk in circles.  “I Want to stay with dad though” Donna replied to Angie.

Lou stopped walking in circles, and sat beside Angie. “Its just, you could of died today, we both want you to be safe” “But i’m safe with dad” Donna replied to Angie. That was it, Donna had made her decision.  

Angie couldn’t let this go. Her daughter had almost died. So Angie talked to Lou for quite a while. Both the parents had decided to stay to together for the sake of their children.

A few years later, Angie and Lou were the happy family they were before the divorce. Mike was left out of the picture, and the family all sat down together and started to talk about what they have done at school/work. The family was once again perfect, oh and they never forgot Donna’s birthday.

The fire started by Lou trying to bake Donna a birthday cake after Angie, Annabelle and Mike had left the house. Lou went out to a local shop to buy some sprinkles for the cake, he didn’t realize he had spent nearly an hour talking to the shopkeeper. Lou had started a whole meal for them two. Sausages were being cooked for hot dogs, Bacon and Eggs were being cooked,  also for when she woke up. The sausages caught on fire then the fire lead up to the ceiling which caused the fire.

The End

My Self Assessment

Narrative Checklist

Narrative Criteria	*	*	*
I can write an orientation	*
I can describe where the story takes place	*
I can describe when the story takes place		*
I can describe how the story begins	*
I can introduce my characters	*
I can define my characters’ personalities		*
I can describe what my characters look like		*
I can create a problem that my characters experience	*
I can include a resolution - how the problem / situation was solved	*
I can write a final concluding statement	*
I can use a variety of language features, e.g. active verbs, conjunctions, similes, metaphors, onomatopoeia, personification		*

Surface Features Checklist

Surface Features Criteria	*	*	*
I can write in full sentences	*
I can sequence my ideas clearly	*
I can use complex sentences	*
I can vary sentence beginnings	*
I can use conjunctions e.g. “and” correctly	*
I can use capital letters correctly	*
I can use full stops correctly	*
I can spell all my words correctly	*
I can proof read my writing	*
I can edit my writing-by making changes to the vocabulary e.g. said - yelled, asked, etc.	*
I can write in paragraphs	*

My Peer Assesment

Peer Assessment Narrative Checklist

Read over your partner’s work and judge their writing using the following criteria.

Narrative Criteria	*	*	*
My partner has written an orientation	*
My partner describes where the story takes place	*
My partner has described when the story takes place	*
My partner describes how the story begins	*
My partner introduces characters	*
My partner defines the characters’ personalities	*
My partner describes what the characters look like	*
My partner has created a problem that the characters experience	*
My partner includes a resolution - how the problem / situation was solved	*
My partner has written a final concluding statement	*
My partner uses a variety of language features, e.g. active verbs, conjunctions, similes, metaphors, onomatopoeia, personification	*

Peer Assessment Surface Features Checklist

Surface Features Criteria	*	*	*
My partner writes in full sentences	*
My partner sequences his/her ideas clearly	*
My partner uses complex sentences	*
My partner varies sentence beginnings	*
My partner uses conjunctions e.g. “and” correctly	*
My partner uses capital letters correctly throughout writing	*
My partner uses full stops correctly throughout writing	*
My partner spells all words correctly	*
My partner proof reads his / her writing	*
My partner edits his/her writing-by making changes to the vocabulary e.g. said - yelled, asked, etc.	*
My partner writes in paragraphs	*